


How Ignatz Pays The Rent

by quicksparrows



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Modern AU, Toronto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22811632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quicksparrows/pseuds/quicksparrows
Summary: “I found out the craziest shit today,” Sylvain said, crawling into bed and sprawling out on his side. He grinned up at Felix, begging him to ask.Felix did not ask.[Illustrated. NSFW text.]
Comments: 13
Kudos: 268





	How Ignatz Pays The Rent

**Author's Note:**

> Art by [Emmy](http://twitter.com/chickenbabby)

“I found out the craziest shit today,” Sylvain said, crawling into bed and sprawling out on his side. He grinned up at Felix, begging him to ask.

Felix did _not_ ask.

“Do you know that Ignatz guy?”

“No.”

“He’s short. Like, girl short. Bowl cut, glasses, friends with Claude.”

“Nope.”

“He was at that party where you got drunk and challenged me to a lightsaber duel in the streets and you wiped out immediately. He took the video of that.”

“I thought Hilda did that.”

“Nope, she bought it off him for ten bucks so she could get the Tiktok clout.”

Interesting. Felix would have to do some investigating.

“Anyway,” Sylvain said. “I found out how he pays rent.”

“I really don’t care, Sylvain.”

“It’s really funny. He draws furry porn. You know furries, right? Like, porn art of cartoon animals fucking.”

Felix was forced to lower his iPad and look his boyfriend square in the eyes and say: “Yes, I know. So what if he does?”

“Isn’t that funny?” Sylvain asked. He rolled into his back, stretching out and settling in and getting cozy, which involved lazily itching his belly in a way that had his shirt riding up.

“Uh huh,” Felix said.

“Man!” Sylvain exclaimed. “It’s so funny. I have that art elective and he’s in it, and we’re learning about Caravaggio and how his art of a beheading is not feminist like my girl Artemisia Gentileschi’s is, and Ignatz is thinking about how he’s got to finish that masterpiece of a blue wolf fucking a rainbow deer or something.”

Felix sighed.

“It’s funny,” Sylvain said, as if that made it true. He paused. “You know what furries are?”

“Yeah,” Felix said. “So has everyone who has been on the Internet even once. How do _you_ know what a furry is?”

“Miklan used to send me furry porn as a joke.”

A joke. Okay.

“Anyway, imagine paying rent like that?” Sylvain probed again. “Do you pay taxes on that shit? Like, tell the CRA you made money drawing porn and then you buy everything with your porn money?”

“Glass houses, Sylvain.”

“True! I’m not _judging_ ,” Sylvain said. “I just think there’s something inherently funny about cartoon dog dick. What do you say if someone asks what you do, and then wants to see your work?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

“I don’t want to make him feel awkward. Maybe next time we’re at a party and we’re both drunk.”

Felix did not doubt the inevitability of that scenario. He just scoffed, and then laughed under his breath.

“Alright,” he said.

“Hey,” Sylvain said, clearly amused. “If you were a furry, what animal would you be?”

“A wolf.”

“Cool. I’d be a horse. Cause—“

“Of course you would.”


End file.
